Hold on, hold on. Before I get a thousand letters from the PMRC or NOW or something, let's not go jumping to conclusions. This is not about the buttocks, although for some on the list, they are a substantial part of the equation. No, this is about placing Americans into neat little categories. I believe that many Americans fall into the following categories: Fat Ass, Lazy Ass, Smart Ass Wise Ass and Dumb Ass.
Fat Ass: Here are the facts. America is the fattest nation on earth. No one denies it. No one seems to take it as a national insult, it's like saying the the nose guard is the fattest guy on the football team, everybody knows it, but nobody's gonna tell him. This is a national problem however. We have a generation of young folks who would rather play in a virtual world than venture out into the majesty of the real one. We are still animals, one with massive intellectual ability, but still an animal comprised of organs and muscles and bones, and those things need to be used in a healthy way in order to maintain the sanctity and overall health of our brains. We need to make healthy living a national priority, because the first nation to fall is the slovenly one.
This leads me to...
Lazy Ass: Partly perpetuated by being a nation of Fat asses, we have become lazy. The remote has to work from all angles so I don't have to point it directly at the TV, the microwave needs to be stronger, the internet needs to be faster...I need instant this and automatic that. Technology is great, it makes life easier and our quality of life increases. But it shouldn't be at the cost of, when the power goes out, becoming infants. Unable to cope with the silence of nothingness, we call the power company every five minutes to see when the power will return. We go crazy in the serenity. Think back 200 years ago. The power was always out. Our technology should serve us, not the other way around.
Smart Ass- This category can contain folks from all of the other categories. An existential society creates the cynicism this category. In older times, kings and queens and religions meant something. Traditions were created to pay tribute to these old belief systems and a sense of duty attached to a belief in the hereafter. Along the way, science and philosophy whittled away at these belief systems until they were rendered meaningless; in fact, some believed that life itself was rendered meaningless, so adherence to hierarchy of any sort was rejected in favor of a "me first" attitude viewing the world through an ironic lens. So respect for teachers or police officers or other "order keepers" is viewed with disdain. Sometimes, I can feel myself creeping into this category, and I remind myself that life has meaning. there may or may not be something beyond what is; I do know this: what is, is. And conducting yourself in a way that is humble and compassionate and true has value.
Wise ass: These are merry mirthful folks who take a good-natured view of the silliness of the world and sarcastically view the world as silly, just silly. They are quick to point out the absurdity of, well, just about any pretenses or contrived emotions and usually accurately so. They do have trouble maintaining focus, and once labelled as such, is hard to shed. However, I understand Eeyore was a Wise Ass until he discovered the Tao of Pooh and became a wise ass.
Dumbass. I don't need to explain this one, do I? Look around.
